At any particular moment, I could say I’m in either an “Up Mood” or a “Down Mood”. I need to stop wasting my “Up Moods”. It’s not useful (in this case) for me to try to figure out “the why”. I should, instead, be having fun during my “Up Moods”.
Something that’s so clear to me sometimes seems like pure fantasy at other times, and I think that right now I understand. Because of that, I think it’s critical that I write this now. For me, words are so powerful, that things that I’m feeling are simply not real unless I can explain them with words.
If you read my previous post here, you might be waiting on the “big reveal” that I strongly alluded to. I’m sorry, but I’ve decided it’s not going to happen. Drop me an email if you’re curious, and if I know you, I’ll almost certainly share what I was talking about. The info isn’t exactly a secret, anyway, and I think anybody can find it if they dig enough. However, I’ve decided that putting up multiple signs (bearing my name) pointing to it isn’t the best idea. I don’t know of any specific reasons to be worried, but there’s no need to “tempt fate” (especially given how many places I syndicate this web log). 🙂
At any rate, my self-confidence is now working well enough (and regularly enough) that I’m realizing more often that my choices are just that: mine. As I told a friend recently, I need to start owning my choices (instead of depending on the validation of others… though, it’s fun to see it when it happens *grin*).
I’ll go ahead and warn you now that there’s info that I start to reveal about myself in this post that people who have known me for years don’t know.
I’m having a moment of calm and clarity tonight, and I wanted to share it. Unlike what one of my friends seems to have believed of my previous behavior (and admired me for it), it’s not that I don’t care what others think about me. Far from it, actually. I think that some of the thoughts I’ve shared have made it pretty clear that I actually care a lot what people think about me. Times like right now, though, make it clearer to me that I’m simply very careful about who I allow close to me. With one very notable exception, my judgment on such matters is usually quite good. 😉
Oh well. It was a decent idea, anyway. 😐
I wanted to record it here so I would know for sure later if this really was it. The time I finally started feeling better was just after 3:25 this afternoon. If I’m right, then this bit of “vaguebooking” is probably going to become very significant to a few people. 😉
…even now I can feel my mind’s “fire control system” working to suppress the emotions I felt earlier. This is what I’m talking about that I don’t feel a strong emotion (positive or negative) for very long.
That being said, I’m trying to get in the habit of doing regular journal entries. What I’m really hoping is that I’ll find an understandable way of explaining my near-obsession with sex.
So, the lesson that I learned today:
If the following question ever comes up again, the answer is almost always “absolutely yes”.
“Is it worth it to (almost anything could go here) so that I’ll be able to take my ADD meds?”