For anyone who didn’t catch the reference I made in the subject line for my previous post here (stolen from Kevin Smith), I don’t think I’ll be “chasing Amy” any more. In truth, I stopped doing that even before she left, but it’s comforting to finally (I think) understand the “disconnect”.
Author: Jeff
Discerning Amy
One of the basic contradictions I’ve been trying to figure out is the difference between how I saw Amy and how some of my friends saw her. I’m not able to fully understand something unless I have words for it. This morning, I think I finally figured it out. Hang on, because this one is definitely going to be a bumpy ride. 😉
My first “feelings” post
I just tonight realized that my web log is the perfect place for something I’ve decided I’m going to start doing: making notes each time I notice myself feeling an emotion.
A Very Cool “Reason To Be”
I was chatting with a friend online today, and she said something that just felt right. She agreed to let me quote it, so here you go:
I’ve come to the conclusion that the point of being alive (for me, at least) is to be known and know other people as deeply and real-ly as possible.
It’s NOT Self-Damning
I had another realization before I got up this morning, and I want to share it.
As a total aside, I didn’t realize until today how much agreement I have with Penn Jillette. I really need to listen to and read more of what he’s said publicly about atheism. He has a talent for explaining things in a way that’s simultaneously easy-to-understand, compelling, and non-judgmental.
Individual versus structural racism
I read this post tonight, and it does a pretty good job of explaining something I’ve tried to describe before.
Here’s two very relevant quotes:
A fundamental, but very challenging part of my work is moving white people from an individual understanding of racism — i.e. only some people are racist and those people are bad — to a structural understanding.
The two most effective beliefs that prevent us (whites) from seeing racism as a system are:
- that racists are bad people, and
- that racism is conscious dislike.
I’ve written before that discrimination doesn’t start with people using fire hoses on each other. Bad intent isn’t a necessary condition for the existence of racism (or sexism, or any other kind of discrimination).
Ringo
Dave Grohl on Ringo Starr (from a Facebook video):
I mean, honestly, if you’re a drummer, and you can do this: *plays a simple beat on the low tom* and have people dancing, *chuckle* you’re a fuckin’ badass.
The anticlimax
If you read my previous post here, you might be waiting on the “big reveal” that I strongly alluded to. I’m sorry, but I’ve decided it’s not going to happen. Drop me an email if you’re curious, and if I know you, I’ll almost certainly share what I was talking about. The info isn’t exactly a secret, anyway, and I think anybody can find it if they dig enough. However, I’ve decided that putting up multiple signs (bearing my name) pointing to it isn’t the best idea. I don’t know of any specific reasons to be worried, but there’s no need to “tempt fate” (especially given how many places I syndicate this web log). 🙂
At any rate, my self-confidence is now working well enough (and regularly enough) that I’m realizing more often that my choices are just that: mine. As I told a friend recently, I need to start owning my choices (instead of depending on the validation of others… though, it’s fun to see it when it happens *grin*).
My latest realization
I’ll go ahead and warn you now that there’s info that I start to reveal about myself in this post that people who have known me for years don’t know.
Brief moments
I’m having a moment of calm and clarity tonight, and I wanted to share it. Unlike what one of my friends seems to have believed of my previous behavior (and admired me for it), it’s not that I don’t care what others think about me. Far from it, actually. I think that some of the thoughts I’ve shared have made it pretty clear that I actually care a lot what people think about me. Times like right now, though, make it clearer to me that I’m simply very careful about who I allow close to me. With one very notable exception, my judgment on such matters is usually quite good. 😉