{"id":147,"date":"2015-07-02T00:07:33","date_gmt":"2015-07-02T05:07:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/?p=147"},"modified":"2026-01-01T22:39:46","modified_gmt":"2026-01-02T04:39:46","slug":"my-latest-realization","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/?p=147","title":{"rendered":"My latest realization"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I’ll go ahead and warn you now that there’s info that I start to reveal about myself in this post that people who have known me for years<\/em> don’t know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

I just had a realization a little while ago. It’s the kind of thing that will be a big “pile of duh” for some of my friends, but I don’t think it’s odd at all that I fought sharing it publicly for so long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, though, I’ll share the specific thing that triggered it. Just over a month ago, I traded a few “D” messages on Twitter with a man who helps host a podcast I’ve listened to a few times. Tonight, I noticed a couple of Twitter “follow requests” from people whose names I didn’t recognize. When I dug a little bit, I figured out they they’re also<\/em> involved with that podcast. The podcast (I promise<\/em> I’ll identify the show before I finish this post, but I have to get there in my own way) is related to a part of my life that I haven’t been willing to speak about publicly, but that’s about to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve written before<\/a> about my tendency to “compartmentalize” my life. I think there were several<\/em> people that were surprised when they met each other in the hospital after my wreck. In particular, I think it served to put a few of my coworkers in touch with some other people in my life. In the past, my job has been one of the areas I’ve kept most compartmentalized<\/em>. I think the biggest reason was that my job was one of the things I was best<\/em> at, and I was scared I would mess that up if I started crossing the personal and professional “streams”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the personal<\/em> side of things, one of the things I’ve kept most<\/em> compartmentalized (and I’ve done it since I was an early teenager, so on the order of 27 years<\/em>) is related to my quite strong<\/em> sexual desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One thing that I’ve never<\/em> mentioned publicly before is that there’s a clause in my divorce agreement (an agreement that I voluntarily<\/em> signed) that says this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Each party to this agreement further agrees not to harass, interfere with, insult and\/or create a nuisance with respect to the other party’s activities, education, occupation and\/or employment.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I’ve been so scared<\/em> of violating that clause that I’ve actively avoided<\/em> writing things here that I’m pretty sure would have done me a lot<\/em> of good (because I’ve become so used<\/em> to using my web log as a place to share deep things about myself).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tonight, I’ve decided “to hell with that”. I have no wish or intent to violate that clause, but I’ve come to the point where my self-respect has finally<\/em> recovered enough for me to admit that this is a need<\/em> that I can no longer do without.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another<\/em> aspect of this is that I’ve been so<\/em> respectful of everyone else’s<\/em> boundaries and needs, that I’ve done very little about my own<\/em>. I’ve been trying so hard<\/em> not<\/strong> to appear “creepy” to people, that I think the ironic thing is that this very desire<\/em> has made me appear creepy. I think that people can sense that I feel guilty, and that I’ve been holding back things that I really needed<\/em> to say. Well, no more. \ud83d\ude42 I’ve been “compartmentalizing” for so many years<\/em>, that I don’t think I even realize what all the “compartments” are. So, it’s going to take me quite a while (and quite a few words) to “unpack” all this. However, I think in the end I’ll be happier and appear much<\/em> less creepy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, I just realized that before I finish this post, I need to keep a promise I made earlier: The podcast is called Life on the Swingset<\/a>. I’ll post more about my connection with that topic soon (it’s a very complex and not-straightforward one).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ll go ahead and warn you now that there’s info that I start to reveal about myself in this post that people who have known me for years don’t know.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[9,8,12],"class_list":["post-147","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-deep-thoughts","tag-depression","tag-recovery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/147","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=147"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/147\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":678,"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/147\/revisions\/678"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=147"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=147"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/oddlysincere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=147"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}